Draft(s)

Banyak tulisan yang mungkin nggak akan di post disini.
Malu? Berlebihan? Hem kalau dipikir lagi emang ini semua karena takut sama penilaian orang lain sih. Haha
Banyak tulisan yang ga bisa di share, cukup ditulis aja.
Tentang kamu, dia, imajinasi saya, cerita, sedih, senang, serpihan serpihan cerita random, dan masih banyak lagi.
Tapi draft akan selamanya jadi draft. Sama kaya kamu.

Told ya.

사랑해 사랑해 너를 사랑해요 소중한 내사랑

:") 

You are

undeniable

This

What I Really Need To Say

After all this time.... why always you?

After all this exhausting lie.... why still you?

After all this stupid tears... why you?

If you think it was easy for me.

You're wrong. It's not easy, it's not okay, it's just make me screwed up.

Pretending over and over again.

"If you don't call, if you don't try -- then I don't"

truth is...

I screwed up… i miss you a lot. every day, every i remember our time together, every time i heard your name… move on? yes I am. can you see? I like someone else, i try to. but I miss you much, love you much. it seems like almost a year ago we break up, you decide our relationship, then you come back then… we break up again, and you never come back. I always imagining you’re still with me. every night. but i don’t crying. One year… one year i always hope you come back. you never know how much i am fucking miss you now….

From: ME, TO: YOU

post

hello blog

lama ya gue ga ngurusin lo, mau gue ganti apa-apa, mau gue rombak gitu maksudnya malah males he --"

oke gue kembali menulis bukan untuk ngomongin kaya ginian, but it's about "how-i-feel-in-high-school"

yak you know :( i'm tired.

tired of high school, damn tired.

exam, lessons, the teachers. so many things i hate about my school.

TAPI.... sekolah gue ada hal menyenangkannya kok.

yap, my class x.5, my 29, my ospek, my bestfriend, my new bestfriends, ALL my new friends and you.

tapi gue capek, capek di sma;(

ga ada waktu bebas, ga ada waktu main, harus belajar dan belajar.

please, gue mau pindah.

high school killing me slowly but sure.

now i've trouble, big trouble in hs. makes me wanna die, and always cry.

i hate crying.... but my tears always come down when i think about it.

my friends always said "you're strong girl tash!"

no.... i'm not strong enough like you think guys.

gue nangis, gue sedih, gue takut, gue bingung mau ngapain.

better i'm move kali ya.

yes move, move to heaven

I'm sorry :')

Dear Brain:

I'm sorry for overloading you with thoughts of him :'(

Dear Tummy:

I'm sorry for all the butterflies.

Dear Pillow:

I'm sorry for all the tears.

Dear Heart:

I'm so sorry for all the damage

Dear Eyes:

I'm sorry when you must seems like mashimaroo

Dear Ears:

Sorry, for everything you must hear about him

Dear Mouth:

I'm sorry for all things that I talk about him

and Dear MySelf:

I'm sorry for all stupid things that I can do for him, I know I'm so stupid like this and that. Forgive me :'(

type

aku dapat ini dari Nabilla

CO-PAS:

-My Type-

1. brown hair | black hair | blonde hair | red hair

2. tall | short | same height as you

3. ear piercings | eyebrow piercings | snake bites | no piercings | other

4. tattoos | no tattoos | idgaf

5. skater | punk | player | indie | cowboy | musician | prep | jock | other

6. shy | outgoing | in between

7. mellow | hyper | loud | quiet

8. blue eyes | brown eyes | green eyes

9. wears tight jeans | wears normal jeans | other

10. converse | vans | nikes | skate shoes | other

11. listens to: metal | rap | indie | classic rock | country | all | other

12. compliments too much | compliments when necessary

13. jokes around all the time | jokes when necessary

14. sensitive | hides emotion | acts tough

15. hobbies: computer | music | skating | sports | drawing | fishing | other

16. loves to hold | loves to be held

17. tons of muscles | fit | skinny | chubby

18. pale | average | tan | dark

19. cusses a lot | never cusses | moderatly cusses | only cusses around friends | who even gives a fuck

20. wavy hair | curly hair | straight hair | long hair | longish hair | short hair

no, you're wrong babe.

I thought we were everything. I thought we had everything.
There were problems, yes, but there is no such thing as perfection. I didn’t want any problems other than yours and mine but then you had to fuck up and leave me behind. You say you love me, you say you won’t forget me, you say all of this shit. I don’t even know what to believe anymore and I feel so empty trying to move on without you. What am I supposed to do with you gone? Physically gone, emotionally gone, completely gone. You want me to forget about you, but I can’t do that. You know I can’t do that :( how am I supposed to forget you??
I always thought I would be the one to leave, not you.
I miss you and it hurts so much.
I can only hope a few months from now, a few years, who knows, but sometime in the future, you will finally come back to my house and surprise me, just show up on my doorstep. Maybe I won’t recognize you, maybe you’d change all of your bad habits, maybe you would still love me. Maybe you would be exactly the same, but maybe, hopefully, you will still let me drown in your hugs because that’s all I want. I miss you so much..

dont you know you'll always be my baby?
you know? I can't move on 'till now.
BUKAN, bukan maksud gue gamau move on.
gue mau!
tapi tiap ada orang yg bilang ke gue.
'tash, dia lagi tadi abis gini gini sama cewek'
'tash, dia deket lagi sama itu'
lo tau? gue di depan doang bilang 'iya gapapa, itu hak dia kok mau deket sama siapa aja'
but you know the truth? my tears came down without my permittion.
lo benci gue nangis, gue tau lo benci, lo gasuka, lo bilang gue ga boleh cengeng.
tapi gimana? gue tau gue bukan siapa siapa lo lagi, lo udah benci sama gue.
tapi gue nggak -_-
lo marah liat tweet gue, gue ga pernah ada maksud buat ngatain lo, ngga pernah.
lo bilang gue udah move on, NO, I'M NOT!
mungkin lo yg udah move on, lo udah bahagia.
tapi gue tuh kangen tauga? kalo malem gue sendirian. biasanya siapa yang nemenin gue? LO.
sekarang? angin ac yg nemenin gue -_- udah ah jadi mellow lagi kan gue, bye :")

-_-

hm post yg gajelas oke -_-
bosen gue, jadi ya gue nge post iseng aja :D
gue mulai mikir sebenernya tuh arti dari kata 'biarin gue yg sakit, biar lo seneng' atau 'seenggaknya lo bahagia' itu tuh bukan arti sebenernya.
lo mikir deh, lo bilang gitu biar orang yg lo maksud itu nge-respon lo kan? atau biar dia sadar kalo lo tuh sayang sama dia. lo sebenernya ngga rela liat dia sama cewek/cowok lain.
coba mikir, apa lo rela liat dia bahagia, seneng" di depan lo sama orang lain? sedangkan lo? lo cuma nangis, berharap orang yg bikin dia seneng itu elo.
gue juga pernah bilang 'biar dia bahagia sama orang lain, gue rela' ----> kata" ini gue rasa cukup bullshit.
tanya kenapa? karena sebenernya waktu itu hati gue bilang 'ngga! gue ga rela lo milih dia! apa bisa dia sayang lo kaya gue sayang lo HA?'
tapi gue sadar gue egois banget bilang gitu, toh dia udah milih dan pilahan yang dipilih bukan gue.
nah kalo udah kaya gitu lo mau gimana? lo pasti marah, lo mau nangis, lo mau bilang 'apasih yang lo liat dari dia'. iya kan? hm wajar lah.
udah ah gue bingung mau nulis apa lagi bye :D

I'm Ready!

I'm ready! ready for what tash?
ready for everything, ready to forget you, ready to forget our memories, ready to see you with another girl --> for this I'm not sure ya :p, but I'll try it :)
I'm ready for all possibilities that will come.
I'm ready to not cry as usual, I'm ready to see you without remembering our memories.
Essentially, I'm ready to move on!
I said this doesn't mean I've to get someone to replace for you, ohoho I don't like you.
I try to not to think of you when I heard the song always be my baby -> you give me this song, I remember
and also when I heard the song when I'm with you and officially yours, remember? I always tell you to listen to this song haha
but now I don't care!
honestly, sometimes I still think about you and miss you.
I sometimes miss it when you smiled, hugged me and kissed me, maybe I will not forget it -_-
but only that, I don't love you anymore like the last time I said it to you.
people who have hurt me, I don't remember, I better forget
difficult? yaeh it's difficult.
but if I didn't try, when I can move on?
cry? already too many tears for you wkwk
find someone else to replace you?
sorry, I can't like that.
waiting you to come back? iuh waste my time.
I think you're a hypocrite and a pussy, oops sorry I said that.
but that's reality.
why a hypocrite?
because once you tell me you hate her.
but now? hahaha well I don't want to say it, too bad
and why I say you are 'queer'?
because you can only insult me on twitter. ha? why you can't say it in front of me?
okay, I tired to deal with your character.
I would rather forget you.
I'm ready to enjoy my new plain life! * Really, really plain without my memories about -----*
My way to forget you is block your acc, and never saw your profile again.
okay, maybe this is my last post about you, about 23. maybe lho ya :p, I don't promise :p hehehe

I can't

ohmy, I'm sorry I cant -_-
I cant forget you 'till now, I know you hate me, you move on, you have 'new' girlfriend.
I know, I know!
but, tell me boy why I cant forget you like you forget me?
you've made me like a fool for loving you.
one thing I know 'you teach me how to love you, miss you. but you NEVER teach me how to forget you'
my friend says' when you can move on if you keep talking about him? " and I realized, I'm stupid like this.
my friend was right, how can I move on if I continue like this?
I like this doesn't mean I didn't try.
I always try to forget you, ALWAYS!
but sometimes if I'm alone, and there when I miss you, when I can't forget you, when I want you there.
but, at the time with my friends, I laugh as usual, like nothing happened.
and next? I'm okay, I'm good, very good.
especially when I'm with Playmates, maybe I dont remember you at all
but when I'm alone and lonely at night, there was the time I remember you. because, usually you who accompanied me if my state of being alone like that.
and now? there's no you.
What I regret my decision to break up with you? the answer is NO.
I dont regret it, I just missed.
only that and nothing more.
I never ask you come back to me again, dont worry about that ;)
I just feel lonely when I'm alone and remember you.
but calm, I'm trying to move on like you :)
I dont want to keep hurting myself like this, you can move on tash :)

my song part II

You're the only one
That makes it feel like home
And I need you in my life
When you're not around I'm feeling
Like a piece of me is missing
When it feels like the day is closing in
Somehow I find the faith
To make it through
When I'm with you
(When I'm With You - Westlife)
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more
(Dont Love You No More - Craig David)

To say I'm in love with you
I'm officially everything you hope that I would be
This time I'll tell the truth
I'm officially wrong I know
For letting you go the way I did
Unconditionally more than I ever was before
I'm officially yours
(Officially Yours - Craig David)
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my hand to yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"
(Oh It Is Love - Hello Goodbye)

You'll always be part of me
I'm part of your indefinitely
Boy, don't you know you can escape me
Oh darling, cause you'll always be my baby
(Always Be My Baby - David Cook)

since I Found You My World Seems So Brand New
you've Show Me The Love I Never Knew
your Presence Is What My Whole Life Through
since I Found You My Life Begin So New
now Who Needs A Dream When There Is You
for All Of My Dreams Came True
since I Found You
(Since I found You - Christian Bautista)
You found somebody who does it better than he can
No more making you cry
No more them gray skies
Girl we flying on a g-5, g-5
And we're leavin' never looking back again
(Leavin - Jesse McCartney)

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
(Unintended - Muse)

Hapuslah cinta antara kita berdua
Karena kau sudah ada yg punya
Biarlah diriku memendam rasa ini
Jauh di lubuk hatiku
(Soulvibe - Biarlah "Hapuslah Cinta")

I love you, baby and if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby to warm the lonely nights.
(Cant Take My Eyes Off You - Muse)

Cause, I can’t keep on feelin’ the way I do
I can’t keep on, hiding my heart from you
I got to say something before
Someone else comes through,
I can’t keep on loving you,
From a distance
(Cant Keep On Loving You - Elliott Yamin)

my song

Leona Lewis - Happy

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can’t have everything

Don’t you take chances
You might feel the pain
Don’t you love in vain
’cause love won’t set you free

I can’t stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what it I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I just trying to be happy
I just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
Just can’t let go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear

But all these days
They feel like they’re they’re same
Just different faces
Different place
Get me out of here

I can’t stand by the side
Ooh, no
And watch this life pass me by
Pass me by

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge?
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I’m just trying to be happy

Oh, happy
Oh

So when it turns that I can see???
This rope??
Victim??
Don’t say anything

Officially Missing You - Tamia

All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you

Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially

All I do is lay around
Two years full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you

Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you

It official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you

I'm sorry

I apologize for making you jealous, I n-e-v-e-r mean to do it. N-E-V-E-R

Sorry I made you cry, ohmy I'm so sorry girl. I feel very guilty to you now -_-

ya allah, maafin gue deh ya udah bikin lo kaya gitu.

demi apapun deh, ngga pernah ada maksud gue bikin lo kaya gini -_-

maaf semaaf maafnya ya :(

the truth is 'gue sayang dia' tapi karena dia kakak gue.

ga lebih dari sayang gue ke temen2 yang lain.

kalo lo baca post gue yg sebelum ini, lo tau perasaan gue gimana.

gue yakin lo ngga bakal kaya gini.

kalo lo tau sayang gue ke siapa, maafin gue deh, gue tuh ngga pernah maksud kaya gini.

gue deket ya cuma sebagai kakak adek kok ga lebih, tolong percaya sama gue.

keep friendly oke?

I'm so sorry, gue akan coba ngejauh mungkin

3 choice

I got 3 choices for our relationship, especially for you.

1. we continue our relationship, but we both changed.

2. we break for a while, and we continued again, wait until you're not bored

3. we end our relationship.

I certainly don't want to choose option number 3, I choose option 1.

but you?

I'm sure you want to try option 3.

What don't you ever feel?

I'm tired you like this, you don't notice me, not giving me attention, you didn't care about what happens to me, you don't give me a message or call.

like you don't need me anymore.

I can't say this directly in front of you, I can only write it, because I know if I say directly to you, you must think I'm selfish and you'd be mad.

YOU WRONG! you are selfish!

you know? s-e-l-f-i-s-h!

you are too childish

you are only concerned with what you feel, but you never think how I feel.

hey boy, I'm your girlfriend, not your toy.

I have a feeling, I have a heart.

you should be thinking "a little" about my feelings.

yesterday, I really need your help, but you can't, you don't exist,

What I never asked for help? Why would I ever?

I only ask you to accompany me to go, only that

but what? what you can?

NO! you can't!

you know? at the time yesterday that I feel you don't love me anymore.

as we celebrate 4 months, you don't speak to me at all.

"I love you, I want us to lasting 'blah, that's a BIG bullshit!

I don't need the words, I just want you to indicate "yes, I need you, I care about you"

only that

I guess you want us to break again, ohmy I do not want it: (

but what the hell am I like this, you wouldn't care. I want to follow you, oh please I don't cry, it's too much pain and tears that I give to you.

Please, tell me the truth

I hate myself for wanting to give up on you.

You make me feel like I can’t do anything. But I’ll keep going because I don’t want to hurt you, even if this relationship hurts me. I love you.

yeah this is my frontal emotions.

I have not been posting in this blog, and I miss it so much :*

can you see my words above?

I gave it to HIM.

I hope he realized.

Honestly, I was afraid to upset him, I know this is unhealthy, because then I would budge.

many people asking to me 'What are you tired of not budge?'

Honestly, I'm tired like this.

I tired to continue to beat you.

What you don't realize?

You treat me like complete shit all of the time, even though I’m your girlfriend.

It sucks, because when I fell in love with you, you were the sweetest boy alive and well now I can’t seem to fall out of love with you but at the same time I get hurt emotionally by you everyday. I don’t know what to do. A part of me is saying I should break up with you and another part is saying that I can’t live without you. I don’t know what to do, all I know is that I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU.

I know you probably don't love me anymore, bored with me, and you already don't get along with me. Right?

I KNOW IT! though you never told me, I know that.

you change, you don't love me anymore.

This is fact that I know and I feel.

Forget about it, I'm T-I-R-E-D!

I just know you like it :')

Honestly, I feel guilty to one of my friends.

She likes my friend, who happened to be close with me.

to be honest, I NEVER meant to hurt you, N-E-V-E-R! I'm so sorry :(

I'm just a friend with him, I love him, but just a FRIEND.

and if you like him, approach him :)

I think, he'll respond you.

I apologize for my attitude toward it is to make you jealous, I'm sorry.