After all this time.... why always you?

After all this exhausting lie.... why still you?

After all this stupid tears... why you?

If you think it was easy for me.

You're wrong. It's not easy, it's not okay, it's just make me screwed up.

Pretending over and over again.

"If you don't call, if you don't try -- then I don't"

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hello blog

lama ya gue ga ngurusin lo, mau gue ganti apa-apa, mau gue rombak gitu maksudnya malah males he --"

oke gue kembali menulis bukan untuk ngomongin kaya ginian, but it's about "how-i-feel-in-high-school"

yak you know :( i'm tired.

tired of high school, damn tired.

exam, lessons, the teachers. so many things i hate about my school.

TAPI.... sekolah gue ada hal menyenangkannya kok.

yap, my class x.5, my 29, my ospek, my bestfriend, my new bestfriends, ALL my new friends and you.

tapi gue capek, capek di sma;(

ga ada waktu bebas, ga ada waktu main, harus belajar dan belajar.

please, gue mau pindah.

high school killing me slowly but sure.

now i've trouble, big trouble in hs. makes me wanna die, and always cry.

i hate crying.... but my tears always come down when i think about it.

my friends always said "you're strong girl tash!"

no.... i'm not strong enough like you think guys.

gue nangis, gue sedih, gue takut, gue bingung mau ngapain.

better i'm move kali ya.

yes move, move to heaven

I'm sorry :')

Dear Brain:

I'm sorry for overloading you with thoughts of him :'(

Dear Tummy:

I'm sorry for all the butterflies.

Dear Pillow:

I'm sorry for all the tears.

Dear Heart:

I'm so sorry for all the damage

Dear Eyes:

I'm sorry when you must seems like mashimaroo

Dear Ears:

Sorry, for everything you must hear about him

Dear Mouth:

I'm sorry for all things that I talk about him

and Dear MySelf:

I'm sorry for all stupid things that I can do for him, I know I'm so stupid like this and that. Forgive me :'(

"-"

I guess its over.I'll no longer have you by my side to hold my hand.You'll never again kiss me with such passion,like you had in the past.Not anymore,do I get to hug you goodbye.You're still my true love-but this is me letting you pass me by

I miss

I miss my own Austin so damn much

I miss my 23

I miss someone who gave me this doll

I miss someone who gave me a surprise on my birthday

I miss someone who called me every night

I miss someone who says 'good night honey, I love you so much'

Honestly, I miss everything about you, about us

but now, austin NOT mine anymore, 23 = DEAD.

yayaya, dia bukan punya gue lagi. sadar lu tash! mimpi mulu -_-

tapi sekarang, I really miss my Austin -_-

emang sih lo beda banget sama Austin yg di Titanium, but for me, you're my Austin.

that's why I miss you <3 div="">

kangen b-a-n-g-e-t.

tau kangen ga lu? tau ga? kangen gue sama lu :p

sadar ga? nggak ya? yasudahlah kalo ngga sadar.

malah lebih bagus lo ngga sadar ya daripada lo sadar gue malah sakit hati -_-

lo kan udah move on, lo ngata2in gue malah.

oke, lo ngatain gue bales ngatain.

itu baru adil! lo yg mulai, tapi gue ngga nyangka aja lo bisa sejahat itu sama gue.

sumpah deh, tapi tenang aja gue bisa bales kok *tapi kalo gue bisa ya -_-*

I miss you - Boyz II Men

I've been feeling this emptiness for sometime
Trying make do
But my world has been so crazy
Living without u
I'm a man not ashamed to admit my falls
Now that I know
But the only thing that matters now I should have never let u go
Now every night before I go to sleep, I pray That the lord would someday some how
Send u back my way
Baby I miss u I need to be back in your arms
I've never stopped loving u
My heart is where u belong
Baby I miss u
And for heaven and earth pass away
Lord please show me what to do
Tell me what to say
Cause we've come to far to let it slip away
Cause we've come to far to let it slip away
Couldn't understand many things in my life
And what u meant to me
Now I'm prepared to be everything that a man Is suppose to be
I don't wanna be alone no more
So then my heart can take it
That weeks have past
Since you've been gone
That I've thought that I could make it
Oh baby
So every night before I go to sleep, I pray
That the lord would one day somehow
Bring u back my way

Baby I miss u
I need to be back in your arms
I've never stopped loving u
My heart is where u belong
Baby I miss u
And for heaven and earth pass away
Lord please show me what to do
Tell me what to say
Cause we've come to far to let it slip away
Cause we've come to far to let it slip away

Baby don't know what else to say or do
Its hard to get through every night and everyday
Knowing I had u walk away
Its killing me inside
Feeling so strong I can't hide
So lord help me get through trying times
I'll do anything to have u back in my life
Baby I miss u
I need to be back in your arms
I've never stopped loving u
My heart is where u belong
Baby I miss u
And for heaven and earth pass away Lord please show me what to do
Tell me what to say
Cause we've come to far to let it
Baby I miss u
I need to be back in your arms
I've never stopped loving u
My heart is where u belong
Baby I miss u
And for heaven and earth pass away
Lord please show me what to do
Tell me what to say
Cause we've come to far to let it
Baby I miss u

*that song for you*

3 choice

I got 3 choices for our relationship, especially for you.

1. we continue our relationship, but we both changed.

2. we break for a while, and we continued again, wait until you're not bored

3. we end our relationship.

I certainly don't want to choose option number 3, I choose option 1.

but you?

I'm sure you want to try option 3.

What don't you ever feel?

I'm tired you like this, you don't notice me, not giving me attention, you didn't care about what happens to me, you don't give me a message or call.

like you don't need me anymore.

I can't say this directly in front of you, I can only write it, because I know if I say directly to you, you must think I'm selfish and you'd be mad.

YOU WRONG! you are selfish!

you know? s-e-l-f-i-s-h!

you are too childish

you are only concerned with what you feel, but you never think how I feel.

hey boy, I'm your girlfriend, not your toy.

I have a feeling, I have a heart.

you should be thinking "a little" about my feelings.

yesterday, I really need your help, but you can't, you don't exist,

What I never asked for help? Why would I ever?

I only ask you to accompany me to go, only that

but what? what you can?

NO! you can't!

you know? at the time yesterday that I feel you don't love me anymore.

as we celebrate 4 months, you don't speak to me at all.

"I love you, I want us to lasting 'blah, that's a BIG bullshit!

I don't need the words, I just want you to indicate "yes, I need you, I care about you"

only that

I guess you want us to break again, ohmy I do not want it: (

but what the hell am I like this, you wouldn't care. I want to follow you, oh please I don't cry, it's too much pain and tears that I give to you.

Please, tell me the truth

I hate myself for wanting to give up on you.

You make me feel like I can’t do anything. But I’ll keep going because I don’t want to hurt you, even if this relationship hurts me. I love you.

yeah this is my frontal emotions.

I have not been posting in this blog, and I miss it so much :*

can you see my words above?

I gave it to HIM.

I hope he realized.

Honestly, I was afraid to upset him, I know this is unhealthy, because then I would budge.

many people asking to me 'What are you tired of not budge?'

Honestly, I'm tired like this.

I tired to continue to beat you.

What you don't realize?

You treat me like complete shit all of the time, even though I’m your girlfriend.

It sucks, because when I fell in love with you, you were the sweetest boy alive and well now I can’t seem to fall out of love with you but at the same time I get hurt emotionally by you everyday. I don’t know what to do. A part of me is saying I should break up with you and another part is saying that I can’t live without you. I don’t know what to do, all I know is that I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU.

I know you probably don't love me anymore, bored with me, and you already don't get along with me. Right?

I KNOW IT! though you never told me, I know that.

you change, you don't love me anymore.

This is fact that I know and I feel.

Forget about it, I'm T-I-R-E-D!

I just know you like it :')

Honestly, I feel guilty to one of my friends.

She likes my friend, who happened to be close with me.

to be honest, I NEVER meant to hurt you, N-E-V-E-R! I'm so sorry :(

I'm just a friend with him, I love him, but just a FRIEND.

and if you like him, approach him :)

I think, he'll respond you.

I apologize for my attitude toward it is to make you jealous, I'm sorry.

still

1 day after we broke up.

it was the same with yesterday -_-

and I still hoping like yesterday, too.

Stupid I hope things very-very unlikely.

you definitely don't want to come back to me right?

and I really want us to be a relationship again.

hahaha :D

stupid, and I've promised to forget.

but the fact now is, I still continue to write about you.

and still in love with you.

It means it's too hard to forget you :'(

You too difficult for me to forget, it was only yesterday we -__- oh well, forget -_-

You've forgotten me and don't love me anymore like before.

you know? I was watching you from the balcony, but you don't see me.

OK, that's better than I have seen you throw in front of my face.

It would be very painful for me.

I'm afraid you back to her, really. I'm afraid.

My reason is not going to end because I don't want to see you back to her.

I would never willingly if that happens.

I know, I'm selfish like this, but I can't lie to myself.

I love you, and I want you BACK TO ME, not back to her.

You say I'm not trash for you, but now what? you think I'm a bad person.

I know, I was wrong.

I hurted you, but why do you respond to it with with her?

I can't, I couldn't.

I will NEVER be able to see YOU BACK TOGETHER WITH HER -_-

I beg you, please keep your promise this time.

promise you'll never go back to her, please.

I want you to keep your promise to me.

you know? I miss you now.

I miss you say''I love you '

I miss your nag.

concern you, understanding you, your laugh, your voice, all about you.

I want it back, but I realized it was just my dream.

we will never be together again

last time I see you, why my heart hurt?

turns out, I realized that if you are not mine anymore.

ok, stop crying.

I'll tried to move on, wish me luck :'')

broke up :')

today we broke up.

you glad we broke up? I didn't: '(

I'm sad we broke up.

but this want you, I can't do anything else.

you say, you hurt.

you say, I changed.

sorry, I never intend to do that.

you say, I was too close to them.

sorry, but if I had to choose. I prefer them.

they are my best friends.

when I was sad. Who is telling me not to cry? them! NOT YOU! while you? you were happy to see me cry.

Okay, I know I was wrong.

but, have not I've apologized many times to you?

What do you want to listen to my apology?

NO, you don't want to!

maybe you think, I just weepy girl, who could only cry but could not do anything.

provided you know, my friends told me I had to decide our relationship first.

but I don't want, I want to wait until the 14Th February, Valentine's Day.

I hope the day we can be better, but it turns out, you decide our relationship today :'(

you know I cry when you say that?

sure you know, but you don't care.

sure you don't care, I know.I'm just a toy for you.

You think I do not really love you? you're wrong.

I really love you until this moment too.

but I don't want to sad all the time, I had to keep my life ;")

I'm just scared, you go back to her

to your ex-girlfriend; '(

if after you break up with me, then you back to her.

indeed, I'll hate you.

I know, you're not mine anymore.

you are free now, you are free to choose anyone who VERY MUCH BETTER than I am.

but I beg you, don't come back to her.

It would be very painful for me.

honestly, I'm just friends with them.

I have no other feelings to them.

I loved them as a friend, but I love you as a boyfriend.

You misunderstand me and them.

but never mind, our relationship has ended.

nothing needs to be explained again.

everything has happened, now I can only hope.

you happy, you easily forget about me, about us.

maybe for you, it's very easy

but for me not.

I need a lot of time to forget you.

remember my promise to you first? I promise I will not forget you till whenever. I'll keep my promise, I will not forget you.

you know, until now I was hoping we could date again.

HA HA HA, I knew it was just my dream, you don't want to come back to me.

you already bored and no loves me anymore, I stupid think like that.

I'll try not to cry for you, because once you've told me not to cry ;")

I have to remember, many people who loved me, but who understand me just you ;'(

Tasha okay, don’t cry anymore

thank you for everything, all the memories, all love, all the attention and understanding. That means a lot to me.

Let me be honest this time, For the last time, I just wanted to say "I love you"

nieno goodbye, I always loved you ;'(

What I feel -_-

This song just what I feel now. I can't say this, but I can only write it and share on my blog readers -_-

KISS - BECAUSE I'M A GIRL

It's impossible to understand what's going through a guy's heart.
You told me that you wanted me and now that I've given you everything, you tell me you're leaving.
You told me that it was the first time you felt this way, and said that I was special.
I believed you. . .
And it was my happiness
You should have told me if your feelings has faded.
I had no idea, and I continued you depend on you.
Altough I say, I hate you now, I'll be missing you.
Because I'm a girl, to whom love is everything.They say that when you give a guy all he wants, he quickly gets bored.
And now I know that's the truth.
And altough I tell myself, I'll never be tricked by love again.
I fall in love , and my heart is broken again.
You should have told me if your feelings has faded.
I had no idea, and I continued you depend on you.
Altough I say, I hate you now, I'll be missing you.
Because I'm a girl, to whom love is everything.They say that when you give a guy all he wants,he quickly gets bored.
And now I know that's the truth.
And altough I tell myself, I'll never be tricked by love again.
I fall in love , and my heart is broken again.
You should have told me if your feelings has faded.
I had no idea, and I continued you depend on you.
Altough I say, I hate you now, I'll be missing you.

Please, don't break the hearts of girls, who'll do anything for love.
I didn't know that living this life while being loved would be so hard.
Altough I say, I hate you now, I'll be missing you.
Because I'm a girl, to whom love is everything.

Altough I say, I hate you now, I'll be missing you.
Because I'm a girl, to whom love is everything.

*The Girl*
"Today we broke up.
You told me to meet someone better than you, and be happy.
You're just like the other guys.
What happened to when you told me that you love me?
Honestly, I don't want you to be happy.
What am I going to do if you really forget about me?
I'm in so much pain, more pain than I can bare. . .
Because I'm in still in love with you."

Please, don't break the hearts of girls, who'll do anything for love.
I didn't know that living this life while being loved would be so hard.
Altough I say, I hate you now, I'll be missing you.
Because I'm a girl, to whom love is everything.

Altough I say, I hate you now, I'll be missing you.

*The Man*
"There's someone in love with. . .
Altough I can't be with her now.
I'm still in love with her"

Because I'm a girl, to whom love is everything.

"open this link, if you want to view this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2et1sDa0B8"

"I only hope that you read my blog. You feel what I feel. And I hope we can as before. Please honey, I just want you to care. I'm sorry if I'm wrong about you. please, forgive all my mistakes. I just want you to know. I love you so much more than you know, even though I know, you never love me :'( AND MY LAST HOPE YOU ARE SENDING A MESSAGE TO ME AND YOU WILL CALL ME. Please Nieno, I just want it"

It's tuesday

sumpah ya, tadi gue bt abis di sekolah -_-
tau ngga kenapa? karena MATA GUE BENGKAK.

Pertanyaan (P), Jawaban (J)

P : "kenapa mata gue bengkak?"
J : "karena gue nangis."
P : "kenapa gue nangis?"
J : "soalnya nieno marah sama gue"
P : "kenapa nieno marah sama gue?"
J : "karena pp gue"

Nah makanya gue nangis semaleman, mana ngga ada sms, dia ngga peduli sama gue -_-
Nah terus nih, di sekolah gue nangis kan, apalagi pas pulang.
Pas nieno ninggalin gue, langsung gue nangis tuh *anjrit malu gue*
Nah terus pas dibawah tangga nangis lagi gue, pas di lapangan NANGIS LAGI GUE
GILAK NGGA GUE? GILAK BANGET YEEEE
NANGIS MULU KERJAANNYA.

sebenernya nangis tuh bego tah, gue ngerasa bego banget, soalnya nangis ngga nyelesain masalah sedikit pun.
Tapi ngga tau kenapa gue malah sering nangis -_-
Pokoknya gue bad mood banget deh tuh sampe Quantum aja gue badmood, sampe gue makan aja ngga mau *lebeh abis*
Yaudah akhirnya gue ngantuk banget tuh pas pelajaran pa martop, mau tidur.
Nah pas nyampe rumah, gue buka hp ada 2 sms, dan ternyata TIDAK ada sms dari dia.
langsung deh kisut tampang gue, tapi ngga nangis lagi kok tenang aja :D

Nah terus gue sms cile kan, ada anith juga tuh.
tapi cile balesnya lama banget, nah kata agus gue disuruh sms duluan.
Nah ngga lama sms cile dateng, dia bilang "Tenang, nanti nieno mau nelfon"
Disitu langsung seneng dong gue, gue harap beneran :D

dan TERNYATA, DIA BENERAN NELFON GUE.
WIHI SENENG DONG GUE, dia minta maaf dan pokoknya gitu lah
ah nieno, love you so much deh hihi ♥
Udah ah, sampe sini dulu
Bye, XOXO tasha :)

Second Post :D

icik, icik bandel ya gue jam segini masih online :D
padahal harusnya gue udah tidur -_-
Mata gue tinggal 5 watt -_-

Question : Why i'm not sleep?
Answer : BECAUSE I'M WAITING YOUR MESSAGE BOY -_-

YA, betul sekali saya nunggu sms, lebeh amat gue nunggu sms orang nyampe jam segini.
Iyalah, buat lo mah sampe jam berapa juga gue tungguin.
Serius deh.
Jangan marahan lagi ya, kan kita janji ngga akan marahan lagi -_-
Aku ngga cemburu, sumpah deh.
Jangan marahan dong yaaaaaa

*nieno jangan marahan dong sayang :(*